


A Journey of Words

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Bit of a fairy tale vibe to this, College AU, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kisses, M/M, Magnus Bane is the Best Thing, Proposals, Universe where spoken words are allocated, meet cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27936001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: In a world where every year you are granted a certain amount of words to say aloud for the year, Alec Lightwood stands apart, because he's never received a single word.Alec is well aware he's a disappointment, to everyone.  His family, his friends, his teachers.To everyone, except for Magnus Bane, who takes one look at his counter, smiles, and talks to him anyway.  Who keeps coming back, who keeps hanging out with him, who keeps not caring that he doesn't have any words.Magnus Bane, who captivates Alec, who makes him hope for more for the first time in his life.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 86
Kudos: 601





	A Journey of Words

**Author's Note:**

> LISTEN. THIS WAS INSPIRED BY THE MOST LOVELY AND AMAZINGLY SWEET TIKTOK. I saw it and literally spent the better part of two and a half HOURS squeeing over the damn tiktok before I could even start to write the fic.  
> [Watch the Tiktok here!](https://arialerendeair.tumblr.com/post/636770480374923264)

Alec was five the first time he understood he was broken. 

Walking into The Room where the woman sitting behind the counter had looked at him sadly and shaken her head had _hurt._ He hadn't known how much things could hurt until she stared at him. He glanced up at the counter above his head that read zero words. He bit down on his lip and stared at her, hoping that it had been a mistake. 

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice soft. "But my information is correct." 

Alec swallowed hard and nodded, turning back to the door where his Mom was waiting on the other side. He opened the door and stepped through, watching as she looked at him, her head snapping up. It was only a second later that her eyes lifted to the counter and he watched her face pinch. 

"That cannot be right," Maryse growled, standing up. She looked at Alec and then gestured to the baby carrier. "Alec, watch over your sister, I'm going to have a word with them." 

Alec bit down on his lip and carefully slid to his knees beside the baby carrier that his sister was in. Izzy was blinking up at the bright lights with a big grin on her face. He held out his fingers for her to play with and did his best to not look at the counter that held a number above her head. 

His baby sister would have more words than he would this year. 

The sound of his Mom's raised voice on the other side of the door had him turning to look and he flinched as it only got louder, making his shoulders hunch. It wasn't his fault, he knew that, but that wasn't what she would think. He looked back down to Izzy and lifted her fingers up to his lips to kiss. 

It would be okay. Izzy had words, and he would find a way to, to make it work. He always had, despite the endless frustrations his parents had with it. He kissed her fingertips again and watched her grin and laugh. 

_Besides._ It wasn't like he was going to have no words forever. He had words, he had so many that he wanted to say, that felt endlessly bottled up in his chest, locked behind the number on the counter. He just had to wait. He'd get words next year, and then he'd be able to make his Mom proud. He would. 

_Except._

He didn't. 

~!~ 

Alec was ten years old, and he held onto Izzy's hand tightly as they made their way to the Center. 

Mom was on her phone, but she always was these days. Alec grinned at Izzy and kissed her forehead before he slid out of the car when his Mom parked. She didn't come in the Center anymore, she wasn't allowed. After years of protesting and yelling at them for refusing to give him words, he didn't blame them. 

Alec squared his shoulders and went to the counter to fill out the paperwork that was needed, smiling at the receptionist who helped him with a few of the questions, before getting him sorted. He hopped up on one of the chairs, kicking impatiently at the air as he waited for his name to be called so he could go into The Room. He huffed and hunched his shoulders. 

If he got words now, it'd make school so much easier. 

Teachers hated calling on him, because he couldn't answer (though he always had the answers and they loved that), and it would be so nice to be able to answer. He wasn't stupid, he had words, he just... 

Alec looked up at his counter and bit down on his lip. 

Ten years and he'd never had a single word. 

It wasn't uncommon for people to take a few years to get words. That happened a lot, had even happened with his Dad, who hadn't gotten any words until he was three. 

But Alec was _ten._ Ten, and not a single word had been given to him, no matter how much he looked at the person handing out the words. He bit down on his lip and forced himself to take a deep breath. He didn't need a _lot_ of words. He'd be careful with them. But he wanted to say Izzy's name. Wanted to thank his favorite teacher. Wanted to make his Mom proud. 

"Alec Lightwood!" 

Alec bit down on his lip and slid out of the chair, taking a deep breath before he stepped back into the room. He did his best not to look at the counter of the man coming out. His number was so big he couldn't count it at first. 

He didn't need all of those words. He just needed a few. 

He just needed enough so his Mom would be proud and he could talk and everything would be all right. That was all. 

Alec slid his hands into his pockets and walked up to the counter, meeting the eyes of the woman still sitting behind it. He chewed on his lip, looking up at her, and his heart stuttered as she gave him a sad smile and a shake of her head. 

He took a step closer, his heart stopping for several beats. He clenched his eyes shut and swallowed, fighting back the tears before he opened his eyes again and stared at her. 

"I'm sorry," she said. "I wish I had words to give you, but I don't." 

Alec wiped at his eyes before the tears could start to fall and he fumbled for the small notepad that he kept on his person at all times because he was never going to have any words. He wrote down a quick note and held it out to her. 

"I understand all you want is to say your sister's name, but I can't give out words that I don't have," she said, biting down on her lip, blinking hard. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'd do anything to be able to give you words right now." 

Alec's head dropped and he sighed, reaching up to scrub his eyes again before he nodded and turned to walk towards the door. He shook himself and took another deep breath. If he was upset, his Mom would be even angrier, because she knew what his counter was going to look like. 

When Alec climbed into the car again, he felt his Mom look at his counter, only for her to scoff and roll her eyes before starting the car up. Izzy was reaching for him, babbling his name on repeat, and he hugged her tight, kissing the top of her head. Not for the first time he opened his mouth to try to force the words out that he didn't have. 

Nothing happened. 

Nothing _ever_ did. 

He didn't have any words to give her. 

Alec kept her hugged close, letting a few tears fall into her hair, before he calmed himself and slid back into his seat. _Someday._ Someday he would have the words and he'd be able to tell her how much she meant to him. 

~!~ 

This was his _year!_

Alec parked his bike at the Center and got it locked up, bouncing eagerly. He couldn't keep the nervousness down entirely, but he'd spent the last week and a half researching cases like his, and he wasn't alone! 

It wasn't common, but it did happen from time to time, and it was common for all of them to get their words as soon as they were teenagers. Something to do with a hormone misbalance causing a lack of words. 

He tried not to get his hopes up too hard as he filled out the paperwork, giving the lady behind the counter a quick grin before he found a seat in the corner. 

He would be able to get rid of the notebook he had to carry around everywhere, he'd be able to interact with the kids in his classes, and he would be able to talk back when those stupid jerks started making fun of him. Alec knew he was going to get enough words to tell them off and maybe even more! 

He _would._

Alec watched every single person who stepped out of The Room. It looked like it was a good day, there were lots of words being added to counters and he couldn't help bouncing his leg as he tried to sit still. He tapped impatiently on the arms of the chair. It didn't matter if it bothered anyone else, because he was going to get his _words_ today! 

Alec took a deep breath and forced himself to go through his plan. 

The first thing he was going to do was give Izzy the world's biggest hug and say her name as many times as he wanted. Next was Jace and giving his brother the huge hug he deserved. Then, maybe he'd call Lydia and say hello to her just to see how surprised she would be. 

He grinned and leaned back in the chair, looking up at the ceiling. 

It was going to be _perfect!_

"Alec Lightwood!" 

Alec bolted to his feet and rushed for the door, shutting it behind him. 

The Room was a lot smaller than he remembered it being and he hunched his shoulders. 

Alec tightened his hands into fists before taking a deep breath. He just had to walk up and she would grant him his words. That's all he had to do. He took a step and took a deep breath as he stared down at the same floor. 

He hadn't received any words yet, what was going to be different about today? 

He bit down on his lip and stepped closer, stopping in front of the counter. The same woman it always had been was sitting behind it, and her eyes were kind as they looked at him. His heart leaped into his throat. This was it. He was going to get his words, he was going to-

She shook her head, her face falling. 

Alec stared at her, before his eyes fell shut and he swallowed hard, his shoulders hunching. No words. Not a single one. 

"I'm-"

Alec turned his back on her. He should have known better. He didn't need to hear the apology again. The reassurance that she would give him words if she could. It was the same reassurance he'd been hearing for years now. The last thing he wanted was to hear it again. 

He never should have gotten his hopes up. 

That was his mistake. 

Unhooking his bike, Alec looked up at his counter and took another deep breath, pushing the sorrow down as far as he could. It was always going to be a zero. He would just have to get used to the fact that he would never have words. He was broken, and... and... _fuck._ He'd just have to get used to it. He'd had years after all. 

It wasn't like anyone would be surprised. 

He kicked a rock as hard as he could, watching it skitter down the street before he climbed onto his bike. 

Alec took the longest route home that he could, but even when Izzy and Jace opened the door, calling his name triumphantly, he didn't wait to see the disappointment in their eyes, or his Mom's. He pushed past them and headed for his room. 

Shutting the door behind him, Alec slid down to sit on the floor, his back to the door before he let the tears come. 

Alec sucked in a frantic breath through the tears and opened his mouth. 

_Please._

Nothing escaped. The tears fell faster, as he opened his mouth again. 

_**Please!** _

The room around him was silent except for the quiet sound of his sobs. 

Alec pushed his fingers into his hair and tugged, hard, bringing more tears to his eyes as he pressed his face to his knees to muffle the scream of frustration. 

~!~ 

Alec sighed as he opened the door to the Center. Maybe one day no one would give a shit if he stopped showing up. There was no point in bothering, after all. 

Hopefully, there wouldn't be a long line this year. He had homework to be getting to, and right now his valedictorian position was one of the only reasons his parents left him mostly alone. He tightened his hand on his backpack and didn't look at the receptionist when she handed him the clipboard. 

He filled it out and pushed it back towards her. 

It wasn't like it mattered. He knew exactly what was going to happen. 

It didn't matter that he wanted desperately to say his sibling's names. That he wanted to be able to talk to his friends, the few that he had, out loud. That he maybe wanted to whisper a word to himself that he was barely learning to accept just so he could hear it said out loud. 

Nothing was going to change. 

He was broken, and it was time the system accepted it, just like he had. 

Hell, if he disappeared, the system was probably the only one that would notice. It wasn't like anyone would remember him as anything more than the broken boy who had never said a single word. 

When his name was called, Alec sighed and headed for the door, slipping in, his hand tight around his backpack. He knew better than to hope. He'd _learned_ better than to hope. 

He made a straight line for the counter and looked up at her. 

The pity on her face told him everything he needed to know. He hunched his shoulders and didn't give her a chance to speak before he turned and headed for the door. 

~!~ 

The next day at school was awful. 

Alec sighed and took another bite of his lunch, staring down at it. The last thing he wanted to do was keep eating, but if he didn't eat, he was going to be even more exhausted when he had to do all his homework later. 

"Hey Lightloser!" 

Alec didn't look up, didn't acknowledge Raj, or the fact that he and Victor were quickly approaching. He kept his attention on the food in front of him, taking another deliberate bite. If he ever got any words, he wasn't going to waste them on made-up bullshit like that. Words were too precious to waste on insults, but he'd never had to learn that lesson. 

"Did you get any words this year?" Victor asked, his eyes darting up to the counter beside Alec Lightwood and smirked. 

Alec took a deep breath and shook his head, tightening his hand on the fork. They would leave him alone soon enough. They _would._

"Ha!" Raj laughed. "Looks like the system hates you, Lightwood!" 

"What a loser," Victor said, shaking his head. "Voiceless and meek." 

"You're a waste of good vocal cords," Raj added, smirking when Victor started to laugh. "Besides, even if he _did_ have words, it's not like he'd have anything good to say!" 

Alec shoved himself back from the table, grabbing his backpack before hurrying out of the cafeteria. He could feel everyone laughing behind him and he hunched his shoulders, hurrying towards the library. 

At least there it was quiet, and he could study and no one would bother him, or try to mock him for not having any words. Alec bit down on his lip and kept his head down as he hurried through the hallway. 

Sliding into one of the chairs in front of him, Alec let out a slow breath and began to pull out his books and notebooks. He had at least a half-hour to kill before his next class. 

"Hey!" 

Alec looked up in surprise when someone slid into the chair across from him and his breath caught. The boy in front of him was _beautiful._ His heart started to pound and he felt his cheeks start to flush. 

"I'm Magnus!" The other boy said, holding out his hand. 

Alec reached out and tentatively shook the hand that had been offered to him, regretting that he couldn't even say his own name. The other boy was wearing so many rings and Alec was immediately fascinated by them, unable to keep from staring at them before Magnus cleared his throat and he looked up. 

"What's your name?" 

Alec winced and closed his eyes, dropping Magnus' hand. He should have known better. He gestured up at his empty word counter. 

"That's okay! I bet that makes you a great listener!" Magnus said, settling in at the table, pulling out a notebook. "I'm guessing you have a notebook to write in? That's what I always do when I run out of words a day or two before my birthday!" 

Alec's breath caught and he stared at Magnus as he settled in across from him. He pulled his notebook close and scribbled a quick note in. 

_'My name is Alec. I don't have any words at all. I'm sorry.'_

He slid the notebook towards Magnus and turned to focus on his book, blinking hard enough to keep the tears back, because he was here to avoid that, and Magnus would leave because of how broken he was and-

"Alec?" Magnus said, reaching out to take his hand, giving it a slow squeeze. 

Alec's eyes jumped up to the other boy and he winced at the look in them. He shook his head. He didn't need, didn't _want_ pity. He was broken, that's all it was. 

"You know," Magnus said, his voice quiet as he looked down at their hands. "I meant what I said earlier." 

Alec frowned and looked up at Magnus again before he tilted his head in confusion. 

Magnus smiled faintly. "I bet that it makes you a great listener." He squeezed Alec's hand and let it go. "Do you want me to be quiet?" 

Alec scribbled a quick note in the notebook beside him, pushing it towards Magnus, his eyes darting down to the vest that Magnus was wearing and the way it sparkled with silver. He was so _beautiful._

"All right," Magnus said, reading the note that said Alec didn't mind. "What do you say we get out of the library and sneak to the gas station across the street for slurpees?" 

Alec blinked at Magnus in surprise and glanced around. There wasn't a teacher in sight, and he did still have enough time left in his lunch to manage it. He took a deep breath and blew it out. He pointed to himself and raised an eyebrow. 

"Yes, you. What other tall, dark, and handsome do you think I'm talking to?" Magnus asked, rolling his eyes as he slipped his stuff back into his bag. "Come on, my treat. You look like you could use a giant slurpee." 

Alec packed his bag quickly, shoving his books in haphazardly until it was good enough and when Magnus took his hand again, tugging him through the hallways and then out of the school, he didn't hate his lack of words quite as much. Magnus seemed to have enough for both of them.

~!~ 

Magnus being around, somehow continued to happen. 

Alec waited for the other shoe to drop, for Magnus to start teasing him like everyone else at the school did. But then, abruptly, all of the teasing stopped, and he stared in surprise when first Victor, then Raj, then three of their friends came up to him with split lips and bruised cheeks and _apologized._

"He accepts your apologies, but you are not forgiven," Magnus growled, stepping up beside Alec, crossing his arms across his chest, watching as they went scurrying. He turned to Alec and offered a big smile. "Forgive me for speaking for you, but I thought that might be appropriate." 

Alec smiled helplessly at Magnus. It was impossible not to smile back at him when he smiled like that, and it made his heart pound and tighten in ways that he was glad he could hide from Magnus. He bit down on his lip and nodded, tightening his hand around the strap of his backpack. 

"Alec?" Magnus asked, reaching out to touch his free hand. "Look at me?" 

Alec lifted his eyes to Magnus' and his breath caught. Magnus was always so beautiful and impossible to look away from. But when their eyes met he didn't look away, he knew that he could stare at Magnus for hours. Everything about him was incredible, from the eyeliner he called his tiger stripes, to the soft pink eyeshadow and the mascara on his lashes, Alec never wanted to look away from him. 

"You know they're wrong, Alec. Right?" Magnus asked, biting down on his lip. "What they say about you. They're all wrong." 

Alec swallowed and took a deep breath, shrugging. They were right in some way. Not a single word for seventeen years? He was certainly broken, no matter how much people tried to avoid saying exactly that. 

"Alexander Lightwood," Magnus growled, reaching out to take Alec's hand, squeezing it tightly. "You are not broken. There is nothing about you that is wrong. You are perfectly yourself the way you are." 

Alec let out a harsh breath, staring at Magnus, at the seriousness of his face, and blinked hard, swallowing harshly. He managed a small nod. 

"It's okay if you don't believe it yet," Magnus said, his voice soft. "I know that sort of thing is very hard to accept. But I will tell you as many times as is necessary. You are _not_ broken." 

Alec smiled faintly at Magnus and nodded again, looking down at their hands, shifting his fingers slightly so he could give Magnus a squeeze back. 

"I'll get you to believe it someday, Alexander," Magnus promised, staring him down. "You're incredible." He grinned. "Besides. You have to be, to be beating my GPA." 

Alec scoffed and rolled his eyes. Nevermind that Magnus was in most of his advanced classes, doing just as well as he was. No one was going to steal valedictorian away from him. 

"Don't worry," Magnus said, leading the way to their regular lunch table. "I am going to show you in Advanced Chem. I'll catch right up!" 

Alec grinned and rolled his eyes at Magnus. Magnus knew that Advanced Chem was his best subject and this was the kind of teasing he'd grown to associate with Magnus. The kind that made him forget that he didn't have the words to speak back, but that he could talk with Magnus about regardless. 

"Don't give me that," Magnus grumbled. "Listen, I know you're a fucking genius, and that you study hard for it, but I can have some hope." 

Raising an eyebrow at Magnus, staring him down, he watched Magnus burst out laughing and stand to go head to the lunch line. He could keep dreaming. 

"I know, I know, you won't give up that top spot without a fight, some murder, and potentially even extortion, I know," Magnus said, taking Alec's arm to lead him towards the lunch line, his eyes catch on the sight of Alec's face as he laughed, all of the tension and upset from before gone. 

~!~ 

Alec eyed Magnus' counter as he listened to Magnus tell another story about the nightmare that his old school had been and tilted his head. Magnus' birthday had to be soon if he was getting that low on words. 

"Alexander?" Magnus called, smiling when Alec's attention snapped back to him. "Thinking deep thoughts?" 

Alec hummed and scribbled down a single word, turning the notebook so Magnus could see it. 

"Oh, yes!" Magnus said, grinning at Alec. "My birthday is in another two days. Then I'll have to register at the Center here, which I know is a nightmare, but it's a necessary one!" He winced and looked at Alec. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about this, should I?" 

For the first time, Alec didn't mind hearing someone plan to go get their words for the following year. He shrugged. 

Magnus frowned and gave Alec a gentle shove with his shoulder. "You're allowed to tell me when things make you uncomfortable and you don't want to talk about them." 

Alec thought about it and looked at Magnus' counter and then back to him before grabbing the notebook to pull towards him. He took a deep breath and scribbled as quickly as he could. _'I don't mind you talking about your words. It's okay, I promise. If you were upsetting me, I'd tell you.'_

Magnus read over the words and looked back up at Alec. "You promise that you'll tell me?" 

Alec smiled and nodded, crossing his finger over his heart. 

"Okay," Magnus said with a deep breath. He reached out and squeezed Alec's arm. "If that changes, and you need me to stop, let me know?" 

Alec nodded, his heart pounding as he looked down at Magnus' hand holding onto his forearm and nodded, biting down on his lip. 

"Good." Magnus took a deep breath and let out a small laugh, looking back down at their homework. "You know. I don't know how many I'm going to get, Alexander. But for the first time in my life, I'm not scared of the number." 

Alec blinked in surprise and tilted his head at Magnus. He was afraid of how many words he would get? What on earth would he have to be afraid of? Magnus had so many words, it always seemed like it was impossible for him to use them all. 

Magnus smiled sadly, squeezing Alec's hand again. "I've always been afraid that if I didn't have enough words, I would stop being _me._ I wouldn't know how to express myself, I wouldn't know how to be myself any longer." He looked down at Alec's fingers and gently rubbed his thumb along Alec's knuckles. 

Alec's breath caught and he stared at Magnus, his eyes wide. 

"But I'm not scared of that anymore," Magnus said, smiling at Alec. "Because you've made me realize that I can and always will be myself, whether I get no words, or more than a million." He cleared his throat. "You also made me realize that I have to try to make every word count because they're..." he let out a hard breath. "They're so _precious_ and I didn't appreciate how much so until I met you." 

Alec pressed his free hand to his mouth, blinking hard, his heart tightening in his chest as Magnus kept talking. He couldn't stop staring, watching Magnus' lips move as he spoke, every word feeling more precious than the last. 

Magnus smiled ruefully down at their hands and then looked back up at Alec, before looking up at his counter. "I have something I want to ask you after I get my birthday words. No matter how many I get. Can you come over after your homework, Alexander?" 

There was no world in which he would have denied a request like that from Magnus. The last thing he wanted on his birthday was to be around people, but if Magnus wanted him there, then he was going to be there, and they would do whatever he wanted. He grinned and grabbed the pen, scribbling out a word for Magnus. 

"A party?" Magnus laughed. "Maybe we save that for the weekend, since my birthday is on a Tuesday." He took a deep breath and squeezed Alec's hand. "But you're the only one I want to see on my birthday, Alec. Will you? Please?" 

Alec swallowed hard and nodded, squeezing Magnus' hand back, before he gestured to their books. They did need to get back to studying, or they were both going to regret it. When Magnus gave him a smile and a nod back, Alec waited for him to withdraw his hand. 

But Magnus never did. 

So Alec didn't move his hand either, and his heart soared with every casual squeeze Magnus gave both of their hands. 

~!~ 

Alec looked around the neighborhood and took a deep breath, knocking on Magnus' front door, blinking in surprise when it was immediately yanked open. He glanced up towards the counter and saw a large number, exactly as he had expected. But after a minute, he realized it wasn't as big as it had been when he'd met Magnus. He looked back to Magnus, worried. 

"Don't worry about me," Magnus said, reaching out to tug Alec into the house. "I got plenty of words. I'm happy." He smiled and tugged Alec towards the kitchen. "Besides, I'm learning the value of going without words sometimes too. Your eyebrow game is unparalleled, Alexander, I need _lessons."_

Alec laughed and gave Magnus a wink as they moved into the kitchen where he could put his bookbag down. When he saw that Magnus had pretzels out, he immediately grabbed a handful and tossed a few into his mouth with a happy hum. 

"You and your pretzel obsession," Magnus said, sliding into the chair next to Alec. "Finish those, and then I want to ask you a question." 

Alec blinked, and put the rest of the pretzels back down on the table, scrambling for one of his notebooks, but then Magnus' hand was on top of his, drawing his attention back. He stilled at the serious look in Magnus' eyes and tilted his head. 

"Don't worry," Magnus said, biting down on his lip before taking a deep breath. "It's nothing bad, and if I do this right, you won't need a notebook. I don't think." 

Alec shifted, turning to face Magnus properly, worry creasing his forehead until Magnus pressed a finger between his eyebrows to rub at the indent there, making him smile. He relaxed, but kept all of his attention on his best friend. 

Magnus took a deep breath and blew it out hard. "So, I'm really happy with how many words I got this year. Because I wanted the chance to tell you this, because of how important it is." 

Alec tilted his head again, watching as Magnus fidgeted with his ear cuff with his free hand, a sign of his nervousness. He nodded readily, reaching out to take Magnus' hand before giving it a small squeeze. When Magnus' cheeks started to turn red, he blinked in surprise. 

"Alexander," Magnus started, waiting for Alec's eyes to meet his again before he smiled. "I'd, if you're willing, would you like to go out on a date with me?" 

Alec stared at Magnus, frozen, his eyes wide, his heart pounding so loud, he couldn't hear anything outside of it. Magnus... Magnus wanted to go on a _date_ with him? He shook himself out of the stupor when he realized insecurity was starting to creep over Magnus' face and focused again. He licked his lips and blushed when Magnus' eyes darted down to his lips before coming back up to meet his eyes. 

"It's, it's okay if you tell me no," Magnus said, rushing the words out. "I'm, I'm not going to leave, or never talk to you again, or anything like that. I just, I like you so much and I wanted to tell you when I had enough words to make sure I didn't mess it up." 

Alec's breath caught and he blinked hard, tears gathering in his eyes. He started to nod, over and over, even as a tear, then another, then another, fell down his cheeks. Magnus wanted to take him on a date! Magnus liked him too! Alec squeezed his hand even tighter, unable to look away from him. 

"Alec," Magnus whispered. "Why are you crying? I, I think, you're saying yes, to a date, right?" 

Alec nodded again, staring at Magnus desperately. He let go of Magnus' hand and caught the flash of fear on Magnus' face before he tangled his fingers in the lapels of the jacket that Magnus had been wearing that day and tugged him in for a kiss. Their lips slid together, and he melted into the kiss, and Alec closed his eyes, sinking into the glorious feeling of Magnus kissing him _back._

When Magnus pulled back, just enough to press their foreheads together, Alec couldn't help the grin on his face as he kept nodding, staring at Magnus and the way his lips were shiny and just a bit red. Because _he'd_ been kissing Magnus and that was the best thing that had ever happened. He smiled again and pulled Magnus in again. 

This time was softer, but felt like so much more. Magnus' fingers were tangling in his hair, and his best friend was moving closer to him and their lips moved slowly, every brush enough to have his whole body vibrating with the best kind of tension. 

"Alexander," Magnus breathed out slowly, smiling at him. "If I had one word left to say, I'd want to say your name." 

Alec's breath caught and he closed his eyes, breathing hard as he leaned in closer to Magnus. By the way that Magnus' arms tightened around him and held him close, he imagined he didn't need to say that if he had one word, only one, he'd want to say Magnus' name. Tears prickled at the corner of his eyes and he held onto Magnus tighter. 

"Don't worry," Magnus whispered against Alec's shoulder. "We don't have to move. Except maybe to the couch. But we don't have to move, and I'm not going to let go." 

Alec nodded against Magnus's shoulder and held onto him as tight as he dared. Maybe someday soon Magnus would realize that he was a mistake, but for right now, he was going to pretend as hard as he could. 

~!~ 

Dating Magnus was... surprisingly not at all different from being his friend. 

Alec smiled at Magnus as his boyfriend (and that _word_ still send delicious shivers up his spine and had moved to the very top of the list of words that he desperately wanted to say out loud some day), slid into the seat next to him. 

Magnus was humming, frowning at one of the things on his lunch tray, and Alec wanted to cuddle up to him and never move. As the year had gone by, and then the summer, somehow they'd only grown closer together. He bit down on his lip and looked up at Magnus' counter. It was still a large number, but Magnus didn't feel like he had to fill the silence as much now. He trusted Alec, felt comfortable with him. 

"You okay?" Magnus asked, wrapping an arm around Alec's waist. "You're being very cuddly, and trust me I'm not complaining, but that's unlike you at school." 

Alec closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. They were seniors now. There was a whole world waiting for them beyond the school, and he had to wonder if Magnus was going to leave him behind to move on to bigger and better things. 

"Alexander?" Magnus asked, turning to look at him. "Are you okay darling?" 

Alec nodded and nuzzled Magnus' shoulder again. He was, there was nothing _wrong_ with him. But. He reached down and traced a design against Magnus' hand, smiling when Magnus threaded their fingers together. 

"Ah," Magnus said suddenly. "It's on Thursday, isn't it?" 

Alec tensed and took a deep, shuddering breath before he nodded again, this time much more slowly. 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Magnus offered. "I could drive you." 

Alec lifted his head to stare in shock at his boyfriend, raising both his eyebrows. Magnus wanted to come with him? 

Magnus smiled and leaned in to kiss Alec softly. "Yes, I want to come with you, Alexander. Whether you end up with ten thousand words, or no words, I want to be there with you afterward." 

Alec swallowed and managed a nod, leaning in to press his face against Magnus' neck. He didn't need ten thousand words. He needed one. Just one. He wanted Magnus to hear him say his name back. That was all he wanted, and all he was hoping and praying for. 

"Don't worry," Magnus whispered against Alec's hair. "I'll be there no matter what. I'm like a growth. You're not going to get rid of me." 

Alec snickered and lifted his head, making a face at Magnus. He was much prettier than any growth. He leaned in and kissed Magnus on the cheek before turning back to his lunch, picking up a fork. At least, whatever happened on Thursday, Magnus would be there, and that would be worth everything. 

~!~ 

Alec wasn't able to concentrate at all on Thursday. 

Not when Magnus offered him a cheery Happy Birthday first thing in the morning, following it up with a searing kiss. He melted into it, because it was Magnus, and he would kiss Magnus every single chance he got, for as long as he could. 

Even when Magnus gave him his present; which was really a present for the both of them, but the acceptance papers to NYU, where Alec had been accepted with a full ride, and a tentative smile had been enough to send his heart soaring, Alec hadn't been able to stop thinking about the trip to the Center after school. 

He could remember every trip here as a kid, and then as a teenager, and no matter how much hope he'd had, he'd walked away with the knowledge, with the realization, that he was broken, and there would never be any words for him. Alec took a shaky breath as he climbed out of Magnus' car and faced the building. 

When Magnus' hand slid into his, he startled and looked down to Magnus, smiling gratefully when his boyfriend tugged him in for a kiss. He closed his eyes and relaxed. It was going to be okay. No matter what happened, no matter how many words he got, Magnus was going to stay. 

"Alec?" Magnus whispered, tugging Alec to a halt outside the center. He pulled Alec into a kiss, making it hard and desperate, trying to say everything with the kiss that he couldn't bring himself to say with words yet. Not when Alec couldn't either. "No matter what happens? You have me." 

Alec swallowed and kissed Magnus again, breathing out slow before he turned to head into the building. Now that he was eighteen, the paperwork was much easier and Alec sat into one of the too-small chairs, biting on his lip as he stared at the door to The Room. He didn't let himself look at the counters of people coming out of The Room. 

All he wanted was one word. He wanted to be able to say Magnus' name. That was it. That was all he needed, was one word. 

Just this _once._ Just this once, he prayed to himself. 

Alec took a deep breath when his name was called, and as he opened the door, he crossed all of his fingers and approached the counter. He bit down on his lip and met the eyes of the woman who was still sitting behind the desk like she always was. But this time there wasn't pity in her eyes. 

His eyes widened and he looked up at his counter. 

**Five**. 

The number five stared at him and he turned back to her, his eyes wide with shock. He heard her try to say something, but he turned, sprinting for the door, his heart pounding as he ran out of The Room and through the Center. He threw open the front door and Magnus was there, waiting against his car, and Alec _ran_ for him. 

He had five words. Five whole words. And he knew _exactly_ what he was going to say. 

"Alec?" Magnus asked, watching as his boyfriend raced towards him. His eyes flickered up to the counter and when he saw the number there, he cheered. "You did it, Alec, you got your words!! I knew you would-" 

_"Magnus!"_ Alec blurted, stopping in front of his boyfriend, his chest heaving as Magnus froze in front of him, staring in shock. His voice was rough with disuse, but he could say it, he could _say_ the words he wanted to. Alec reached out and cupped Magnus' cheeks in his palms, stepping in closer to him. He was exquisitely aware of the number above his head that now read **Four.** But he wasn't going to waste them. 

"Alexander," Magnus breathed. "You-" 

"Magnus," Alec interrupted again, because he _could_ and it felt amazing, and he could barely stop grinning to say the most important words he would ever say in his life. Three left, but that was all he needed. "I love you." 

Magnus' eyes widened and he stared at Alec's counter that now read zero and then back to Alec. "I love you too," he whispered. 

Alec grinned, bright and wide before kissing Magnus, wrapping his boyfriend up in his arms, spinning him around in the parking lot. By the time he put Magnus down on his feet again, Magnus was crying and he reached up, brushing the tears away, kissing Magnus softly. He gave Magnus a worried look and frowned. 

"Alec," Magnus breathed, staring up at him. "You, you..." he shook his head and tried to find the words, but more tears started to fall. "That's what you wanted to say with your words?" 

Alec gave an empathic and large nod. Those were the only words that had mattered. He kissed Magnus again and pulled his boyfriend into his arms again, holding onto him tightly. Everything else could wait, because he'd been able to give Magnus the one thing he'd wanted to since they had started dating. 

"Alexander," Magnus breathed, holding onto him. "Darling, I don't think I am ever going to let you go." 

Alec tightened his arms around Magnus and gave a definitive nod. He felt the exact same way. And whether he never got any words for the rest of his life, he would make sure that Magnus knew. That he always, always understood just how much Alec loved him. 

~!~

Alec fell onto their couch and watched Magnus finish carrying the last of the boxes across the apartment and into their bedroom. He grinned triumphantly and stared up at the ceiling of the apartment that Magnus' Dad had bought for the both of them. He grinned happily. Every bit of frustration of moving, of figuring out how to live together, of how to be around each other all of the time was worth it, because now they were _alone._

"Don't you look ridiculously pleased with yourself," Magnus said with a huff, joining Alec on the couch, settling into his lap. He grinned and sprawled himself across Alec's chest, staring up at him. "We're officially moved in, the movers are gone, our parents are gone, and we have the house to ourselves. Whatever are we going to do?" 

Alec raised both of his eyebrows at Magnus before letting his head fall back pointedly, his eyes closing. When Magnus gave him a light smack on the shoulder, he started to grin. 

"You aren't fooling me," Magnus grumbled, staring at Alec. "I know you've been wanting some alone time, too." 

Alec hummed and spread his legs slowly so Magnus could settle between them easier and grinned when he felt Magnus shiver against him. He wrapped both of his arms around Magnus and pulled him in closer, reaching up to rub at the sore spots of Magnus' shoulders. 

"Alexander?" Magnus whispered, lifting his head just enough. "I love you," he breathed, leaning in to kiss Alec. The firm press of Alec's lips against his, the tightening of his hold, all of it was enough to remind him that Alec felt the same, and made sure that he knew it every single day. He cuddled in closer and smiled. 

"Is it weird to go to a new Center tomorrow?" he asked, yawning as he nuzzled Alec's chest. 

Alec thought about it and stared at the ceiling. It was going to be a little weird. There wouldn't be faces that he recognized. There wouldn't be the exact same routine and the same disappointment. But maybe it was time for something new. Maybe he'd get a few more words this year, since he did want to propose closer to Magnus' birthday. 

He shrugged. 

Magnus smiled and kissed Alec's heart. "Still want me to come with you?" 

Alec nodded, tightening his arms around Magnus. That was something easy to be certain of. He wanted Magnus to be there with him no matter what. To either hold him through the disappointment or to be the first and only person he wanted to say his new words to. 

"All right," Magnus breathed, closing his eyes. "Then we'll head there first thing tomorrow morning and then we can finish unpacking." He looked around him at everything and made a noise. "We're going to have to order pizza, because hell if I know where anything else is." 

Alec snorted in agreement, rubbing his hand up and down Magnus' back to get him to continue to relax until they were both dozing off on the couch. 

No matter what happened tomorrow, Magnus wasn't going anywhere. He'd proved that, again and again, and Alec was so grateful to have found him. He blew out a hard breath and felt Magnus relax and start snoring quietly against his chest, making him smile. 

So much for breaking in the apartment. 

For now, anyway. 

~!~ 

The Center was much, much larger than the one he had grown up going to, and there were multiple Rooms to go and get your words. 

Alec's eyes widened and his hand tightened on Magnus' as he looked around, and they found the right place, providing his ID, before filling out the form that would register him for his yearly allocation. He bit down on his lip as they settled into two seats side by side. 

"I have a request," Magnus said, leaning against Alec's shoulder. "Depending on how many words you get, of course." 

Alec raised his eyebrows and turned his attention to Magnus. He'd never mentioned anything like that before. 

"Will you say your name for me? If you can?" Magnus asked, smiling up at him. "I'd love to hear you say it." 

Alec softened and nodded, leaning down to kiss Magnus again softly. There were some words that would take precedence, of course, and Magnus knew that, he'd always known that. But that was a word that he would be more than happy to spare. 

If he got any, of course. 

The idea of not getting a single word was far less terrifying with Magnus sitting beside him, holding onto his hand and whispering quietly to him about plans for lunch on the way back to the apartment. 

"Alec Lightwood?" 

Alec stood up and smiled at Magnus before turning and heading for the Room that had been indicated. He squared his shoulders and stepped through. He looked around. It was very similar to the ones that he was used to, and he headed towards the counter. This time there was a man sitting there and he blinked in surprise, but the man offered him a sunny grin. 

Alec took a deep breath and stopped in front of the counter, thinking of all the times he'd watched her face fall when she realized that there were no words for him. 

"Well, doesn't look like you're a particularly verbose one, but hopefully you won't be too upset," he said, hitting a button in front of him. "Here you go!" 

Alec looked up at his counter and stared. He blinked a few times and looked back to the man standing across from the counter. 

"Is everything all right, Mister Lightwood? I know it's only six digits, but I'm sure you’ll be… Mr. Lightwood?” 

All at once, Alec realized that it was real. That the number above his head was _real._ He didn't just have three words, or five words. He had hundreds of words. _Thousands_ of them. He turned back to the man in a daze. 

"Thank you," he whispered, and he looked up at his counter. It had changed, but there were still so many left it didn't feel like a waste. 

"You're...welcome?" 

Alec turned to walk towards the door again, his mind swimming and he opened it, stepping through. He met Magnus' eyes the second he closed the door behind him and Magnus was already up and moving towards him. He watched the second Magnus could read the number on his counter, because Magnus froze, staring at it in shock. 

_"Magnus,"_ Alec breathed, the name feeling like a benediction. He could say it as many times as he wanted. "Magnus, I..." The words felt stuck, like he was afraid to use them, but he took a step forward as Magnus ran at him and caught his boyfriend, spinning him around in eager circles. 

"Magnus I love you," Alec managed to get the words out, grinning as he looked up and realized he didn't have to carefully plan or ration the words out. "I love you, Magnus, you're beautiful and incredible, and I love you so much. You're perfect, Magnus, and I can't, I..." Alec stared down at him, entirely flabbergasted. He'd barely made a dent in his counter and he'd said so _much_ already.

Magnus closed his eyes and started to laugh, leaning against Alec's chest. "I love you too," he whispered. "I love you Alec, and you are the perfect and amazing one, and I am so _glad_ you have your words now, darling." 

Alec swallowed hard and nodded, holding onto Magnus tightly. "I love you," he whispered into Magnus' hair as he clung to him. "I've wanted to say it every moment I have ever spent holding you. I've wanted to say it every single time I've kissed you and you've smiled at me with that smile that is yours." 

Now that he'd started talking, the words weren't stopping and Alec could do nothing more than stare at Magnus' eyes that were glinting gold. "Magnus, I love everything about you. I think you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen, you give the best hugs, and your kisses never fail to make me want more of you." He knew that they were attracting attention and he'd lost count of how many words he'd said, but it didn't matter because he _had_ the words now. 

"I have spent my entire life wishing I had words, but I have never wanted them more than I have the last two years we've been together, because you deserve to be told how incredible, how beautiful, and how kind you are every single day of your life," Alec breathed, stealing another hard kiss, his heart pounding as he reached up to wipe the tears from Magnus' cheeks. 

"I want to do that. I want to be the one to do that, to, to make sure that you know how amazing you are. I want to wake up with you every single morning so you can tease me about my snoring," Alec said, watching Magnus laugh. 

Magnus wiped at his eyes, even as Alec's overly earnest eyes stared at him. _"Alexander..."_

Alec laughed and pressed their foreheads together. "I love you. Those words and your name, if they were the only words I ever received, it was always, _always_ worth it to use them on you. And now that I have more..." he looked up at the counter and started to laugh. "Magnus I think I'm going to talk more than _you_ do!" 

Magnus laughed again and pulled Alec in for a kiss, even though he could feel the frantic energy running through all of his boyfriend because they weren't bound by words any longer. "I think you'll have quite a bit to do before you manage that, Alexander," Magnus said, cupping his face. "But you don't have to say everything right now, I promise." 

"Right," Alec said, his voice hoarse, even as he kissed Magnus again. "But there's one more thing I have to say, one thing I _promised_ myself I would tell you if I had enough words." 

"And what's that?" Magnus asked, raising his eyebrows as he stared at Alec. 

Alec took a deep breath and sank down on one knee, listening to the gasps around them, even as he reached out to take Magnus' hand, squeezing it. "I told you already, that I want to wake up with you every single day." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring and looked up at Magnus, watching his eyes water. "I want to tell you I love you every single day," he whispered. 

Magnus blinked hard, biting down on his lip, staring at Alec, his heart pounding.

"I know," Alec laughed and stared at Magnus. "I know there will never be anyone in my life that I love the way I love you, Magnus. _Never._ You rescued me and I can never thank you enough for that. You showed me just how strong I was." He lifted Magnus' hand and pressed his lips to Magnus' fingertips and the cool metal he was wearing. But there was no ring on his ring finger. _Perfect._

"I am going to tease you about where you are doing this forever," Magnus informed him, wiping his eyes again. "You are never going to live it down, ever." 

"I promised myself," Alec continued, grinning up at Magnus. "I promised that if I got enough words this year, that I would do this, Magnus. But I wanted to do it _right."_ He took a deep breath and looked up at Magnus. "So here's me trying to do it right." 

Magnus bit down on his lip to keep it from wobbling. 

"I love you. I want a life with you. I want a family with you. I want _everything_ with you. Your ups, your downs, I want your silence, and I want your words. I want your smiles and your pouts," Alec smiled and took a deep breath. "I want to celebrate your successes and help lift you up after your failures." 

Magnus wiped a tear away. _"Alexander..."_

"But more than anything else, Magnus Bane," Alec said, opening his hand to reveal the ring, looking up at Magnus. "I want to spend every single day of my life loving you with everything I am, words or not. If, if you want the same? Will you marry me?" 

“How did I know the second you got any decent amount of words I was going to need to invest in waterproof eyeliner?” Magnus muttered, kneeling down to wrap his arms around Alec’s shoulders, leaning into his arms. “Yes, you ridiculous, perfect man. Words, no words, you speak sonnets with your fucking eyebrows, Alexander. I just need you with me. It’s all I’ve ever needed. I love you so much, and I can’t _wait_ to marry you.” 

Alec fumbled the ring, but managed to slide it onto Magnus’ finger and absently became aware of the applause of the Center around them. He managed a hoarse laugh and helped Magnus to his feet, looking to the receptionist. 

She raised an eyebrow and smiled. “I’m guessing that was a few years in the making?” 

Alec nodded, and turned to cup Magnus’ face in his palm, pulling him in for a kiss. “I love you, Magnus,” he whispered, rubbing his thumb along Magnus’ cheekbone. 

“And I love you, Alexander,” Magnus breathed, melting into the kiss. 

Once they broke apart, he grinned and tugged Alec towards the subway. 

“Magnus!” Alec protested, laughing as he almost fell over his feet. The counter still showed hundreds of thousands and his heart _sang._ “What’s the rush?” he asked. 

Magnus tugged Alec towards the platform before tugging him behind a large beam for a brief moment of privacy. “The rush, darling,” he teased, wrapping his arms around Alec’s shoulders. “Is that I want to take you home and make you scream my name. Because you _can_ now.” 

Alec blinked and stared at Magnus in surprise. _**“Oh,**_ ” he whispered, pressing Magnus back against the beam, leaning in to nuzzle his neck. “Can we try that thing we know you like?” 

“You know very well that there are a great many things I like, Alexander,” Magnus breathed, gasping as Alec started to suck a mark into his throat. “Care to elaborate, darling?” 

Alec groaned, clenching his eyes shut, forcing the words out. He had them. He could say it. He _could._ “Where you, you talked. And, and got me off.” 

Magnus shuddered, bucking his hips up to grind against Alec, even as their train pulled into the station. “You want to try that?” 

Alec nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I do.” 

“I can arrange that,” Magnus said, giving Alec a shove towards the train. “And it involves us getting home as soon as possible.” 

Alec laughed, sliding into a seat, wrapping an arm around Magnus when his fiance slid into his lap. “Sounds like a plan to me,” he whispered, tugging Magnus into a kiss. When they finally had to break apart for air, he looked back up at his counter and grinned, leaning his forehead against Magnus. “Hey Magnus?” 

“Hey Alexander?” 

“I love you.” Alec kissed Magnus again. Then again. _“I love you,”_ he repeated. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying it, Magnus.” 

“Well,” Magnus drawled, grinning at his fiance. “It’s an excellent thing I will never, ever tire of hearing it.” 

**Author's Note:**

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